Did not really get a good sleep at all last night. Cried and cried till my eyes were swollen this morning... This is just so me... The very emotional girl...
I typed a very very long email to him. Telling him how I feel, what I think, what I want, etc... Almost about everything. Thought it would be very difficult for him to understand. Because I did not write it in a direct way. Thought he would take it as another letter full of crap.
I am so wrong this time... Asked him to check his mail before I went to bed...
He called me about an hour later. Asked me what the email was about... Who was it from... Then later said he has read it already actually. Could not really remember what happened but we had to put down the phone after a while...
Messaged me at around 5am, thanking me for understanding him. Said that I am good and he is bad. Asked him what he meant by that. Then he called me. Said this is the first letter he read for three times. Even printed it out to keep. He is very touched by it... Said it is a very meaningful letter. =)
Wanted to meet me this morning then... Woke up at 7am. Got ready to leave at around 8am. However, he had to settle a problem with the system again.
I left home at 9am. Went to send money to Auntie Lita first. Then walk around Wisma, with the hope that we are able to meet. He left at around 10.45am. Still came to meet me. I claimed one hour, went to work at 1pm instead...
Went to eat KFC in Takashimaya. Told me all about his past. How his mother suffered... Why is he so fillial to her... What happened to his family from the time he was born till now... And much much more...
I finally understand now why he behaves the way he always behaves. He admits, he likes me alot. The same as how I liked him. But he dare not to promise me anything for the future. Because he knows it is almost impossible that we will be together for life... I guess if there is a chance, he would really want us to be together for life... But...
Am really touched that I am the first person that he bought a gift for. Never in his life have he ever bought anything for anyone... Spent so much on anyone...
Asked me not to cry for him anymore. But I cannot... Really cannot do so... As I am typing this, my tears are flowing non-stop. I miss him. Really miss him. Alot alot alot...Dear, can you sense me missing you terribly??? Wonder if he will call me tonight... I doubt so...
The more he tell me about his life, the more I am falling in love with him. The more I see him as a brave child. The more I feel proud of him...
Your mother also would like you to be happy right? To see you happily in love and living with someone you really love, set up a family with her, living life happily... Is it much more better than forcing you to marry someone you do not like? Really wonder what can I do to make her change her mind...
Have seen the true him today... All the while, everyone has mis-judged him... Feel rather guilty now... Actually listens to people's gossip last time... Should have just trusted my own gut feel. Sorry sweetheart... He could sense that I did not trust him previously... Guess that hurts him alot... Never judge a book by its cover...
At work, received many presents... just opened all of them up... So sweet of them all. Really know me... Bought what I really liked... Almost all at least... =)
Have been indulging in food for quite some time. Where has all my determination to be slim gone to??? He wants you to be slim... So better work on it!!!
Nothing much to say anymore... Just have the feeling of emptiness... loneliness in me now... All I really want for Christmas and life is HIM...
Are you thinking of me like how I am thinking of you now? Are you missing me like how I am missing you now???
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
2:48 PM
This is always the case... The first few days will be filled with love... Like a happily ever after senario... Then it will be followed with a day of disaster... Where we will be shouting at each other... Be pissed off and God knows what will happen next...
Dear called me this morning... Ask me to help him to get a present for the gift exchange session in Amara. Got up, washed the clothes, tidy the house, clean the floor before leaving for Heartland Mall.
Called me again. Told me how pissed off he was with M1. Said he wanted to meet me in the evening... 8pm... then 7pm. Said he want to control me from now on. I did not mind it at all... Instead, I was glad that I have someone who is willing to control me. Silly me...
Reminded him that I have Chui Wei's party to attend... Who is more important to you was his question. I could not answer that. He is important. But my friends are as well... In the end, we agreed to meet at 8pm.
Lazed around at home till 5pm. Got ready to go to Chui Wei's house. Planned to leave at 7.15pm to meet Dear. Called him then. He just woke up. Knowing that he will take a long time to get ready, asked him to call me before he leave home. I will also leave then...
Called me at 8.30pm. Said he just bathed. So I thought that he will leave at 9pm. Told him I will meet him at 9.30pm then... Think he misunderstood me then. Thought I would rather have fun, spend time with my friends than with him... Asked me not to meet him then...
If I thought that way, I will not even bother to go to her house at 6pm, knowing all my friends will be there only after 7pm. I will not even bother to call and wake him up when he did not reply to my message.
Still left at 9pm... Felt so touched after receiving the so many gifts from my friends. So loved by them. Reason things out with him at her house downstairs. Was so mad that I flared up and cried at the same time... In the end, met him at City Hall MRT station...
Strolled to the path opposite the surbodinate court. Told me he felt bad for asking me to meet him when he knows I have a party to attend. When he saw me, his heart just melted. Could not bring himself to scold me anymore. Talked to me alot. I get what he was trying to put across to me. But I just pretended not to. I do not want a break. Life have been fine with him. Just because of this??? Or maybe it is because he knows that family members will reject our relationship. Alot of things in my mind now. Do not know how to express it out...
Should I type an email to him again???
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
4:21 PM
Starting from Monday, I was taught and learnt how to check the reservations for the next day's arriving guest. After so many months there and waiting, I finally got the chance to do so. =)
For the past 2 days, the work was manageable...
After work on Monday, went to Orchard to get Chui Wei's birthday present and also christmas presents for all my colleagues. Managed to get for all except Rebecca...
Yesterday, headed to Orchard again. Went to the Ig's Heaven in Wisma Atria to look for the necklace that Rebecca was eyeing for. The branch at City Link did not have it anymore. Did not want to get that for her at first. $25 was the price of it!!! But, Ein Ein said she will share the present with me. So decided to get it for her in the end. However, when I went there, they did not have it as well!!! What a wasted trip... Went to Bits and Pieces to get her an anklet then...
Went to Suntec after that to meet Grace and colleagues to have our Christmas dinner. Ate at Tony Roma's. Ordered their Chicken Caesar Salad. Did not eat much though... The cheese smell was VERY strong... Adeline and Jackie gave me some french fries... Ein Ein gave me her coleslaw... Adeline also took some of my salad...
As usual... had NOTHING AT ALL to talk to Grace about. Just tried to make myself feel as comfortable as I can with them. Luckily Dear called me nearing to 10pm. Talked to him till we left the restaurant.
Dear is exceptionally nice again today. =) After collecting his employment pass, went to City Hall for some shopping. When collecting the pass, he was given a letter as well. He is able to married a Singaporean and become a Permanent Resident of Singapore immediately. Do not have to go through the hassle that almost everyone have to go through to be a Permanent Resident here. =)
Asked me if I want anything from him. Nothing in mind then... Went for lunch together with him at Thai Express... Met Joey and her boyfriend there as well... =)
Said he has set his eyes on a bracelet. With 1.4 carat diamond and has a total of 72 diamonds!!! Real diamonds from somewhere (which I cannot remember already). Also has a certificate to prove that they are real diamonds.
Asked him not to buy that though. Too expensive... Too elegant for me to wear it daily...
He went to continue shopping after lunch, when I returned to work... Asked me if I wanted a watch. I am fine with it... As long as it is from him, I will like it.
Handphone's battery became flat while messaging him...
Today was rather busy... Manage to leave office only at 7.30pm. Called Elaine first to ask her where Samanth's party is held. Forgot to bring out her invitation card this morning... Took a taxi there as I was very late already. However, the taxi driver was not very sure of the exact location. So, he drop me off at the head of Siloso beach. It was dark and quiet. I walked for quite a distance, before reaching Sunset Bay. Decided to give Elaine a call again to see if I am heading the right direction. After that, within 5 minutes, I spotted them already. =)
Used Elaine's handphone to message Dear. Called me when he woke up. Told me he bought a watch that cost more than $300!!! My DEAR!!! We are suppose to start saving money now to buy our car!!! Really want to start saving money already... From next year onwards. Still need money to learn driving as well...
Guess I have decided to get a ring for him, as well as myself! =)
After the party, went to Zouk. Music was bad. Not long after we reached there, we headed home already. Too tired and no mood to dance any longer.
My legs hurts now... Was dancing in heels just now...
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
5:19 PM
Was suppose to meet Millie for shopping in Orchard in the afternoon. However, did not do so in the end.
At around 8.30am, Dear called. He could not leave the hotel yet. There was something wromg with the Lanmark system again!!!
At around 9.30am, he called again. Have left hotel already. Going to his friend's house for a while.
At around 11.30am, another call from him. =) Was at City Hall then. Shopping with his friend. Had the sudden urge to buy something for me. From SK jewellery again... A bracelet... Or earring... But the price is shocking!!! More than $400!!! But he just felt like buying something for me then...
At around 12.30pm, that was the final call... Said he will not buy the bracelet already. Did not have the feel to buy anymore. Talked to me while walking around. Spotted Sakura. Wanted to eat Thai food. Asked me to join him then. I dressed up and took a cab down to meet him.
On my way there, he messaged me a few times. Asking where I was then. When I reached there, he was already out of the restaurant. Finished eating already!!!
We walked to Raffles City, just roamed around there. His actions really scare me today. What he said also...
Millie messaged me, asked me to meet her later. Told her I have to cancel the appointment as I was with him. Luckily she was fine with it. =) Could not leave him today. He sald he wants to spend time alone with me today. =)
Decided to go to Grand Plaza Park Royal hotel to spend the day there...
Left at 10pm. Went for dinner at Burger King first before he go to work and me home. That was actually my one and only meal for the day!!! Only had chicken nuggets from Old Chang Kee before going to the hotel. Am addicted to it now. All thanks to Millie as she was the one who introduce it to me!!!
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
4:12 AM
All was suppose to be well today... But it got ruined by him!!!
Thought that I may be able to leave office earlier... I was so wrong... There was work that kept me occupied till 4pm. Or rather 3.30pm. Then, went to the Internet to search for the prices for staying at A'Famosa Resort for Dear...
Went to meet Jiemin at City Hall MRT station. Then, we headed to Pasir Ris. Had to attend Jieyin's birthday party at Pasir Ris's Costa Sands Resort.
Went to leave our stuff at the chalet first before going for a cycle. However, just when we were about to leave the chalet, it began to rain. Stayed in the room to wait for the rain to stop. For the whole of today, we have been crapping... joking and laughing all the way... So relaxed... It has been a long time since I had since nice, relax, comfortable feeling. She really made my day... =)
Tried to look for a bicycle kiosk but none was found. Asked a shop attendant and he said the nearest one would be at the NTUC Pasir Ris Chalet!!! No way were we going to walk over there to rent a bicycle!!! Although I very much wanted to cycle then... Just had a stroll along the beach... Picked up some sea-shells as well. For no reason at all.
Went we returned to the chalet, Jing Ying was there already. Took pictures and chatted with them till slightly before 9pm.
Called Dear to wake him up. He has already got up and bathed already then!!! Asked him if he wanted dinner... Always complaining that I never buy anything for him to eat... Tempted him with the seafood at Fisherman's Village. Asked me to buy and meet him at Raffles Place MRT station... =)
However, when I was waiting for the food to be ready, he called. Said he had taken dinner already... Ask me not to bring the food to him already... PISSED!!! Why you cannot call me when you sister ask you to have dinner??? Or at the most, call me straight after you have taken your dinner??? Called me at the time I was rushing... taxi was waiting for me... scared I will be late...
Decided to come straight home then... Took the MRT to Raffles Place MRT to change to the North-South line train to go home. Think he might have spotted me then. Was looking around, to see if he was there...
Called me almost instantly. Asked me where was I... My gut feeling tell me to tell him the truth. He said he had just boarded the train heading to Tanjong Pagar MRT station. He must have got on the train that I alighted from...
Am very very angry now. Never ask me to buy food for you again!!! Never ask me for opinion if you do not want to heed any advise from me!!! Never ask me out if you know you will be tired to go out!!! So many nevers... Guess no words can cure me from my fustrastion now...
Shall go for a big shopping spree with Millie tomorrow. Buy many clothes... shoes... Going to have a change in the pattern of my clothes for the New Year...
{&i'll hold on till the end of time-}
3:51 PM